Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
