yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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