Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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