just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
