I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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