forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
