I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
