Where is the hickey?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
