my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
