Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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