I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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