I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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