every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
