a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
