allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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