Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
