I'll bet she douches with gravy.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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