420 ftw
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
