Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
