More tranny stories later!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was confusing and full of hummus
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
