I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All the doctor said was why
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
