I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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