At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
