My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
