Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
