Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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