I just threw up on my dentist
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
