I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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