I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
