can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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