I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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