She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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