the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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