I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
