i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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