i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
