we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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