I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
