nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
