There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
