he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
