I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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