just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
