I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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