thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
