i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
