Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
