you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
