saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
