seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
