Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
